Carry On


part five




As I return to my cabin each night, far later than anyone but the staff still cleaning and preparing and smiling unfailingly, I seek out each security camera and make strange faces at the black lens.

I don't mind that someone will see because it's just a glass lens and it has to be refreshing for whoever’s on watch at 2 am to see someone who doesn't look half-dead (physically or figuratively, it's all the same here). I want to stop and scream that I'm not the ghost you are to me but no one would hear. Instead I just walk to my cabin and clutch my laptop and journal and nod at each passing attendant, using my headphones as an excuse not to engage in excruciating small talk. All I want is to just carry on.


I don't want the age thing to be such a big deal but if one more old person gives me that surprised look when I tell them I graduated from university already, I'm going to give them a deadpan stare and say "Why, how old are you?" I know that's not really playing fair but it's much harder to be respectful of the elderly when I've already listened to this album three times and my headphones are starting to press against my glasses and give me a headache and if I forget to say "university" instead of "college" they think I haven't actually accomplished anything yet.

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