part five
As
I return to my cabin each night, far later than anyone but the staff still
cleaning and preparing and smiling unfailingly, I seek out each security camera
and make strange faces at the black lens.
I don't mind that someone will see
because it's just a glass lens and it has to be refreshing for whoever’s on
watch at 2 am to see someone who doesn't look half-dead (physically or
figuratively, it's all the same here). I want to stop and scream that I'm not
the ghost you are to me but no one would hear. Instead I just walk to my cabin
and clutch my laptop and journal and nod at each passing attendant, using my
headphones as an excuse not to engage in excruciating small talk. All I want is
to just carry on.
I don't want the age thing to be
such a big deal but if one more old person gives me that surprised look when I
tell them I graduated from university already, I'm going to give them a deadpan
stare and say "Why, how old are you?"
I know that's not really playing fair but it's much harder to be respectful of
the elderly when I've already listened to this album three times and my
headphones are starting to press against my glasses and give me a headache and
if I forget to say "university" instead of "college" they
think I haven't actually accomplished anything yet.
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